i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
