Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
