i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
