a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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