I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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