You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
