i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
