Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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