I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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