He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
