I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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