She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
