We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
