Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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