Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
