Can i not drive my cunt home
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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