so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
