I will die if light touches me.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
