We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
