What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
