i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
