I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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