Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
