i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
