I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
