Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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