The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
