Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
