Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
