We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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