Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
