I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
