we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
