Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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