Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
