Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
