my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
