After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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