Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
