In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
