Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
thus making me awesome and them whores
my shit smells like andre
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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