my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
