I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
