i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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