it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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