I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
