Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
