omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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