I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
