What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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