1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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