I'm so fucking centered right now
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize