I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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