Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I need to calm my uterus...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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