i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
