I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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