i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
