the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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