stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
