i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
