I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
