:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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