He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
