Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
