i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize