Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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