the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
