never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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